It’s not anxiety that’s the problem, it’s your relationship with it.
It’s 6am on a cold November morning and you’re wide-awake staring at the ceiling. You don’t actually need to get up for at least another hour, but sleep is the last thing on your mind.
Deep within your stomach you can feel a knot, your whole body feels tense and your heart is already beating fast. And then it hits you and you get that sinking feeling. It’s today! The interview’s today.
You groan momentarily as the realisation sinks in that the interview for the job you applied for over a month ago will be taking place at 11am this morning. You want the job. In fact, it’s a role you have secretly coveted for years and when the opportunity to apply arose, you jumped at it.
And yet, here you are, feeling incredibly anxious and dreading the interview. Am I prepared. Perhaps I’ll give a poor account of myself? Maybe I’ll be so anxious that I’ll lose my thread and even panic.
You know this feeling well. In fact, it’s been there almost every time you had to do something important, something that actually meant a great deal to you.
Good grief, you say, why does this always have to happen. Why does anxiety always have to show up just when I need to be on my game and give the best account of myself?
Before you know it, you are back in your old school hall on a swelteringly hot June afternoon sitting at a desk about to begin the dreaded Maths A level paper you so desperately need to do well in to get into your first-choice university. You turn over the paper and then just sit there staring at it for several moments trying desperately to compose yourself.
You roll over in bed and let out a loud sigh. How much better would I do in today’s interview if I wasn’t feeling so anxious about it. There must be something wrong with me, you say. And as you lie there, despair mounting within you, you suddenly find yourself thinking about a dream you had several nights ago.
You are on your way to your job interview and find yourself sitting on an underground train. After a journey that seems to be taking an eternity the train doors open, and you head out of the station into the bright November sun. You're walking slowly along a crowded street when suddenly you look up and there it is. Towering above you is a tall, ominous looking, dark brown building; the place of your interview.
As you stare up at the building, a hesitation sets in and before you realise what is happening, you have turned around and are now heading back towards the station.Your heart is pounding and mouth feels so parched that you quicken your step putting some distance between you and your destination. You break into a run narrowly avoiding bumping into people as you do so.
The faster you run, however, the worse things seem to get. You feel like a frightened rabbit trying to avoid its pursuer only there is no one following you. A dizzying sense of unreality begins to take a hold of you and the world around seems to fade away into a distorted blur of colours and moving shapes with occasional faces momentarily coming into focus.
“You feel like a frightened rabbit trying to avoid its pursuer only there is no one following you.”
As your legs gradually begin to buckle, you slowly grind to a halt. As you catch your breath, you turn around and look up once again. You can see the building just as before. Curiously, it no longer looks quite so ominous as it did just a few moments ago. You begin walking calmly back in the direction of the interview with a renewed conviction that you won’t allow yourself to be owned by your anxiety.
With that, you get up out of bed and begin to mobilise yourself into action, still anxious, still with that knot within your stomach, but this time you don’t try to fight it.
It's 10:45am and you are in the waiting room with a cup of coffee in hand. You glance over at the door where you know an interview is currently underway. You picture yourself in the room, facing one, two, maybe three interviewers, and you notice your pulse quicken just a little more. You take a breath and look at your watch. Not much longer to go.
Eventually the door opens and out walks Graham from the senior management team at your current company. Immediately, your heart sinks just a little bit. Why did he have to apply for the job, you say to yourself. But before you even have time to dwell any further on the matter, your name is called and you rise and enter the room for the interview.
Richard Swynnerton
Existential Psychotherapist and Counsellor, High Barnet.
If you are experiencing anxiety related difficulties in your life at the moment and would like to discuss them with me, please get in touch to arrange an initial session.
If you would like to learn more about my approach to anxiety, then you can read about it on my anxiety speciality page.
