Depression Therapy High Barnet
If life seems to have lost its zest and you no longer have enthusiasm to participate in everyday activities, then it may well be that you are struggling with depression. Interestingly, many people don’t think of this as depression, just that something is missing and that there is a loss of colour in their life almost as if the world has gone quiet. If this sounds familiar, then you are in the right place.
What Depression Actually Is
"Depression is rarely where the story begins. It's where we arrive."
Depression is rarely where the story begins. It’s where we arrive usually because we have hit a dead end in our lives. I have come to understand it as a crisis of meaning in a life that has lost its orientation.
In my experience, what defines the experience of depression almost more than anything else is a gradual withdrawal from the world at large which can leave us in a state of considerable isolation in which loneliness is a constant companion. This is often the outcome of problems showing up in the social dimension of life such as anxiety and relationship issues as well as those concerning self-esteem and confidence.
Over time, almost without noticing it, we may find ourselves slowly but surely beginning to withdraw from the world around us, sliding ever more deeply into what feels like a comfort zone where we hope that we will find some relief from the intensity and drama of everyday life.
This however is rarely the case. When this happens, we can easily lose a sense of the meaning and purpose of our lives and this for me is probably the single most significant issue for you if you are depressed.
The Paradox of Depression
I have come to understand that there is a very close relationship between depression and anxiety, so much so, that I like to think of them as being rather like Siamese twins. When we fall into a deep depression, it is often because we cannot tolerate the anxiety of living and turn away rather than face head on the challenges that life presents.
Our tolerance for anxiety is very low. It's like a psychological muscle that's withered away. I believe that the way out of depression is to help you learn how to tolerate and even begin to lean into the very anxiety provoking aspects of life you know deep down you need to face up to.
Of course, we can feel enormously depressed while still in the full flow of life. Maybe that’s you? You may very well be extremely successful, perhaps going to regular business meetings, attending your children’s parties and taking overseas vacations several times a year but still find yourself asking the question, ”what is this all for? Why am I doing this?”
Change is never easy and this is where therapy can help us to dig deep and embrace our freedom to choose how we live our life. Something easier said than done! Stepping into the unknown, forging a way forward on a new path in life means stepping out of our comfort zone and sometimes we just can’t find a way to do this even if we really want to.
Illustration
Helen, who is a composite rather than a real client, came to see me several years after her mother had died. A single woman in her mid-forties, she had largely forgone relationships in preference for caring for her mother as she became unwell.
This meant that once her mother was gone, she was left staring into a void. The social dimension of her life was largely missing. Additionally, she had little idea of what she wanted from life and no real picture of a future to work toward. On top of this, she struggled to know who she actually was now she was no longer her mother's carer.
Helen was very depressed. We began by exploring very slowly her lack of purpose and she began to realise that what she needed more than anything else was a job. A qualified nurse, she was keen to return to this profession once again and after a few false starts, she eventually summoned up the courage to attend an interview which was a success.
Helen continued on in her therapy with me realising that she needed to considerably expand the social dimension of her life. She joined a number of groups including a yoga and a reading group and is in the process of making a few worthwhile friends.
"I have come to understand it as a crisis of meaning in a life that has lost its orientation."
What becomes possible
The route out of depression is not an easy one but it can most definitely be achieved. It requires more often than not a willingness to face the very anxiety provoking experiences which may have led you to gradually pull back from the world in the first place. My role is to help and assist you with this process, to help you to expand your world and reclaim your freedom to make the decisions that are in your best interest even though they may take you outside your comfort zone.
Helping you deal with the uncertainty of life and learn how to gradually tolerate the anxiety that change and transition brings is what I do best.
More often than not this involves learning how to move out into the world once again. I will help you to dig deep and to find the necessary courage to face things even when initially you don’t want to do so. I will also help you to find ways to counter the excessive overthinking or ruminating as it is often called which is such a common feature of depression taking us further and deeper into our private psychological realm.
How I Work
I begin from a position of complete unknowing, suspending my own assumptions about what might be wrong, and encourage you to tell me in as much detail as possible about your difficulties.
I have found that building a picture gradually from the ground up is the best way to really understand your experience. Together we build a picture of what’s not working and seek to discover a way forward; one that attempts to help you find a renewed sense of purpose and meaning in your life and with that, my hope is that you will regain an enthusiasm for life once more and be able to live once again without the black cloud of depression stalking your every move.
Get In Touch
If you would like to discuss working with me on this or any other issue, then do feel free to get in touch. I work from my private practice in High Barnet, EN5 4HP and see clients in person and online.